
Knowing what to say to someone who has depression can be a daunting and confusing conversation to approach. Sometimes it might seem easier to just avoid having a difficult conversation, however know that your words can help someone to feel less alone. Talking to someone who is struggling can make a difference in helping them to feel loved and supported. Whilst what you say won’t be able to cure their depression, it will help to make them feel that they can relieve some of the burden and have someone to turn to if they need it.
Whenever talking to someone with depression, choose your timing wisely. Never start the conversation at night because unfortunately if someone has a lot on their mind, chances are thinking about their issues in the evening will cause them to have trouble sleeping (which can then have an on-flow effect in other areas of their life). Ensure that you start the conversation when you both have enough time to sit down and talk about things in depth and that you have the discussion in private. Just being there for someone with depression and offering a foundation of support can make a huge difference in their life.
WHAT TO SAY
Ensure that the person knows that you are there for support and that they are not alone. Sometimes they might not even want to talk all the time, but just spending time with them can help. Start the conversation off by letting them know that you might have noticed some changes in behaviour and that you are worried about them. Choose phrases that are empathetic, reassuring and compassionate. Be non-judgemental and don’t offer advice. Say things like:
- ‘I’ve noticed you seem a little down lately and wanted to check in to see if you are ok?’
- ‘Has anything happened to make you feel this way?’
- ‘I care about you and I’m here for you’
- ‘How can I help you’
WHAT NOT TO SAY
Try to avoid using phrases that trivialize how the person is feeling or can make them feel like they are to blame. Consider the words and language that you use and avoid using blaming statements like ‘you should’ which can make someone feel guilty and isolated. Don’t argue or defend, make assumptions, or talk about your own issues. Make sure you treat what they’re saying as serious and be respectful. Acknowledge their situation and emotions but ever assume that you know how they feel. Below are some phrases that should be avoided when speaking to someone who has depression.
- ‘Cheer up’
- ‘It’s all in your head’
- ‘Life isn’t fair’
- ‘You put yourself in that position’
- ‘Yeah, we’ve all been there’
- ‘There’s always someone else worse off’
- ‘I know how you feel’
- ‘Look at what you have to be thankful for’
If you’re still worried about what to say, check out the website Conversations Matter. Conversations Matter is a resource which helps with words and phrases to help you say the right thing.
Be mindful that the person may not be comfortable talking to you, and that’s ok. If this happens, or you are particularly concerned about them, suggest another close friend or family member, or suggest that they seek the help of a professional. Services like Beyond Blue, SANE Australia and Lifeline which all offer free over the phone counselling services.
Lysn provides access to psychologists via phone or video chat, which can be accessed from the comfort of home around the clock. In cases of emergency or if the person is suicidal, please call 000 immediately.
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