
The early stages of a relationship can be an exciting time getting to know someone and sharing special moments together. But how do you ensure that the relationship goes the distance? There’s no way to really tell, but you can do some things to ensure you’re both aligned and heading on the same path together.
HONEST CONVERSATIONS
Don’t be afraid to have honest conversations from the start. Many people will avoid letting their partner know what they truly want for fear of ‘scaring them off’. However, if telling your partner about your life plans and goals is going to scare them off, perhaps they’re not on the same path. Sure, you don’t need to have these conversations on the first date, but if things start to get serious, it’s important to have serious conversations. Talk about those things that are important to you, let them know what you need from your relationship and what you want for your future. That way you can gauge if they’re in the same headspace, if the timing is right and if that person can see a future with you.
SACRIFICES
Relationships at times can be about sacrificing. In order to make a relationship work, both parties need to make sacrifices from time to time. These can range from small things like letting your partner decide what to watch on TV, to big things like spending time with their family on Christmas Day instead of yours. Relationships are a two-way street and each person will have different core needs that need to be met in order for them to feel loved, secure and fulfilled in the relationship. Both parties will need to make small adjustments in their lives to incorporate another person in it and if your partner isn’t willing to make any sacrifices, then this can be a red flag.
MUTUAL RESPECT
Relationships should be built on love and respect, but without respect, things can turn sour pretty quickly. A lack of respect can make a person feel rejected, marginalized, criticized and unworthy of love and support. A lack of respect over time can do some deep psychological and sometimes irreparable damage to a person so make sure you respect each other – from your morals, ideals, career, family values and everything in between. It’s important to be true to yourself and your values and not to tolerate ‘bad’ behaviour from the start, otherwise it may continue down the track, so try to establish simple boundaries and expectations. Continue to be independent, divide your time between your new partner, family and friends, and not rely on the other person for your happiness. Likewise, it’s important that you give your partner their private time and space.
LUST VERSUS LOVE
Ah the Honeymoon Phase, when people can be blinded by ‘love’ which unfortunately can turn out to be lust and might mean the relationship won’t last the distance. Make sure you know the difference between lust versus love. Both can be wonderful feelings, but if you are blinded by lust, unfortunately this isn’t a solid foundation to build a relationship on. Sexual attraction is extremely important, but unfortunately it can cloud a person’s judgment and make them act a little illogically when it comes to their relationship. We’ve all seen it before or perhaps even experienced it first hand – when a passionate relationship fizzles out once the banality of day to day life sets in. Lust is when you keep the relationship on a fantasy level, you are attracted to their good looks and body, you have great sex, but beyond that, there’s a few things missing. Love is about wanting to spend quality time together beyond between the sheets, supporting another’s dreams and careers, motivating each other, meeting the family and just genuinely wanting to be friends with that person. If your future partner leaves after sex and seemingly only wants to spend time together when it’s a passionate affair, they might not be the one.
HOW TO MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP GROW
There are many things you can do to cultivate a great relationship that stands the test of time. It is important to spend quality time together, be passionate but not obsessive, appreciate each other’s strengths and make scarifies from time to time. Understand that the aim of a relationship is to support one another, not compete. Take pleasure in the little things and spend time laughing, enjoying new things and showing gratitude for having them in your life.
Gabrielle McCorry is a Psychologist at LYSN.
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